With deployment coming up I always tend to get the same questions and pointers.
So I figured maybe if you had a question or were ever wondering, here's some questions i've been asked, and my answers!
I'm not going to lie, it does get annoying, but it's normal. The thing I hate the most is getting "pointers" from wives that never been through a deployment, a lot being Military wives themselves! I know from Civilian wives they try their hardest to help you, and I am eternally thankful for them. Thanks guys!
I have come across a few wives that brag about how many deployments they've been through and their struggles, to only find out they lied. That PISSES me off.(Having connections with Marine Corps Records is awesome, you can always find out some beefy info! I'm not gonna blast you on here but i'm sure you know who you are!!) Wives who actually been through a deployment, hold it as an honor. It's like going through our own war but at home, we don't get medals or awards, we don't need them, our medal is our husbands who return home safe. So for some one to say they've been through it and never have are like those old men that say they've been to war and never have! Ladies, just please don't lie about this stuff...women who have been through it several times can always tell your lying!...sorry that was like a vent but I needed to vent lol
Some question's I get asked A LOT...
"How do you do it? I don't know how you do it, I could never"
-Well actually if you really loved the person your with, no matter what, you would and you could!
It takes a lot but you could do it if you had to!
"How does it feel to know your husband kills people for a living?"
-This one always pisses me off!...seriously what kind of question is this?!!
Well in all reality their not "people" their terrorists, people don't do the things terrorists do. If it wasn't for my husband and the other Military men killing them, they could easily be here killing you.
& I'm damn proud!!! To be honest with you Jimmy actually has a big number for kills...scary, but freakin awesome, those Terrorists don't deserve to live after what they did on 9/11 and to all the men and women they've killed over there
"Don't you get tired of waiting?"
-We'll DUH! I have never met one person who loves to wait. But I do it!
"Do your girl's even know who their father is, seeing he's barely ever home since they've all been born?"
-This one pisses me off and I have been asked this a lot.
Of course they know who their father is! How could they not!!
"How do your girls cope with Daddy constantly being gone"
-Well they cope. We have lots of videos of daddy talking to the girls, reading to them and lots of home videos they watch when they miss him. They also have their dolls, they love their dolls! They have kind of gotten used to it now, so its a bit easier with trying to explain to them. They understand now that Daddy has to go away to help keep our country and other people safe, so they don't ask as many questions any more!
"What would you do if he doesn't come home?"
-Another one I hate! Well what would you do if your husband didn't come home.
I don't even want to think about it. The end.
"With Jimmy being gone all the time, does it effect your relationship?"
-Yes and No. It gets stressful at times but its nothing we cant overcome.
We try to live everyday like he's deploying tomorrow!
Some things that really aggravate me is when women find out their husbands are deploying(who never deployed before) FREAK out like the world is over!! I got PISSED this last time because my husband JUST came home in August. Some of these women have never been through a deployment let a lone their husband! Did you think that him being in the Military he wouldn't deploy and would just be home all the time? Some Men luck out and don't deploy, which honestly I think is a bunch of bull seeing we have Men deploying for their 5th, 6th or 7th time. Then we have some Men who joined the military to defend their freedom and country that don't go because they find different reasons that they have to stay back, come on now guys man up and do your duty! I'm sure most of you Military wives reading this have met guys/women like this! It's just my opinion and how I feel. Don't hate on my opinion! lol
Another thing is when wives say "well my husband is a Grunt or a such and such, thats harder to deal with then any other job" Ok?! I'm pretty sure all Marines are trained rifleman which all in all makes them all Grunts, but some just do other jobs as well! Jimmy is a Combat Engineer! They do pretty much everything! From construction to bombs. Jimmy has done it all, for the past 5 years he has been with 2nd CEB, who deal with all demolition, lots of bombs. They attach to the infantry units. They go in before Infantry to look for IEDs, clear the path for Infantry but then they are right in with the Grunts doing the same job! When Jimmy was in Afghan in 2008, he spent 5 months in a turret with a .50 cal! He did his demolition and construction part of the engineer job but spent 5 months fighting as a Grunt. No matter what your husband does, it's still tough to be married to a Military guy period. Some jobs are a bit tougher, but everyone has their part in the Military doing something different!
Another thing is when wives say "well my husband is a Grunt or a such and such, thats harder to deal with then any other job" Ok?! I'm pretty sure all Marines are trained rifleman which all in all makes them all Grunts, but some just do other jobs as well! Jimmy is a Combat Engineer! They do pretty much everything! From construction to bombs. Jimmy has done it all, for the past 5 years he has been with 2nd CEB, who deal with all demolition, lots of bombs. They attach to the infantry units. They go in before Infantry to look for IEDs, clear the path for Infantry but then they are right in with the Grunts doing the same job! When Jimmy was in Afghan in 2008, he spent 5 months in a turret with a .50 cal! He did his demolition and construction part of the engineer job but spent 5 months fighting as a Grunt. No matter what your husband does, it's still tough to be married to a Military guy period. Some jobs are a bit tougher, but everyone has their part in the Military doing something different!
There's many more questions I get asked constantly, but those are some of the top questions I get asked, A LOT!
A lot of people also ask me how to it feels to go through a deployment, we'll let me see if this will help you out-
As I forced my hands to unfurl from his neck, feeling the familiar sting in my nose as tears pushed against my will, the words rattled and echoed in my brain. “Not again.”
I watched him walk away–that uniform, identifiable gait—and my heart bent and splintered as the reality of a another deployment began to shower over me.
I picked up the phone, dialing the numbers my numb fingers always meander toward(mom), and sat in silence while she tried to ease my pain. “I can’t imagine…He will be home….I’m here.”
And then she said six words that shot through my ears, penetrated my brain, and stiffened my spine: “You know how to do this.”
She was right. I do know how to do this. I intimately know the all-too familiar lump in my throat. The months of being both father and mother, making the best of a situation. I know exactly how months feel as I X each day off my calendar. And I know how to ensure that while our lives are on hold, we still live.
The truth is I know a lot:
- The thought of being alone for months doesn’t bother me. The fear of being alone for a lifetime—does.
- Flat rate boxes can hold twenty whoopee cushions, four kindergarten projects, and five perfume-scented letters.
- Technology can be a double-edged sword—one side delivering his face; the other a brutal live-action feed of explosions and camouflaged body parts.
- Murphy’s Law is a constant companion. The moment he walks out the door, anything that can break, collapse, bleed, or explode–will .
- Five hours of uninterrupted sleep is a gift from the deployment gods
- Holidays are hard, but manageable.
- Deployments come and go, but sand from his boots never leaves.
- Nothing can replace a handwritten letter. Through those beautifully folded pages, he is holding my hand again.
- When the National Anthem is played, I know goosebumps will rise on my arms, and a lump will fill my throat.
- The silence in communication following a war zone attack is agonizing.
- Laughter is a powerful ally.
- Each deployment offers two options: grow or regress. This is a choice.
- Cereal is always a dinner option.
- Videos of lost teeth, ballerina recitals, and preschool graduations can be emailed to Afghanistan nearly instantly.
- Five powers of attorney and the intimate details of his will are needed to navigate a deployment.
- White out blizzards can actually bury a truck in five minutes.
- Rosie the Riveter was right: We can do it.
- Children cling to hope and the promise of tomorrow.
- Living in each moment together is possible when facing the fear that it could be your last.
- Welcome home kisses are sweeter than the finest chocolate.
- Anger will grip me and depression can hold me, but another military spouse will steady me.
- A four-year-old child can feel the absence of her father so deeply that she can suffer from clinical depression.
- A military spouse will often hold her/his tongue, silencing a story, for fear of sounding “unpatriotic.”
- The sound of a bugle can make my heart swell with pride or collapse in sorrow.
- Duct tape and a monkey wrench can fix nearly anything.
- Despite the protestors and those who tell me I “knew” what I was getting into, I know there are countless American citizens who will go above and beyond to show they support us.
There are many things I know.
I know how to change the brakes on my truck, rappel from the side of a cliff, shoot a double-barreled shotgun, balance a checkbook, earn my keep, and kiss a child enough to feel like two.
But there are still so many things I don’t know.
- I don’t know how to start my heart again when I see a death notification car on my street.
- When that knock echoes on the door of my neighbor, I don’t know how to forgive myself when I am relieved.
- I don’t know how to hug him enough to last a lifetime, or kiss him just so in order to feel satisfied—should our reunion be at the foot of a pine box.
- I’m not willing to learn how to pretend he doesn’t exist, to keep him out of our life while it goes on without him, or to build a wall so high he has no way to scale it.
- I don’t know how to stop his panic attacks, and I have no idea how to make my nightmares of rampant bombs and lifeless limbs disappear.
- I don’t know how to adjust to his presence in my house when our floor rarely feels the weight of his boots.
- I don’t know how to tell his small children that, yes, he leaves them all the time. But because he loves them so deeply, he is willing to die to keep them free.
- I can’t understand those who would question my desire to stay with him, or how I can peacefully sleep beside a “killer.”
- I am amazed and confounded that despite all he has seen, he still has the courage to laugh.
- I don’t’ know how to give up on my family.
But, most importantly:
I have no clue how to still my pounding heart when he finally walks through our door again, I don’t know how to pull my hands from his sand-stained neck and say goodbye, and I don’t know how to ever walk away from a man who stands while many choose to sit.
We will never be ready for this next deployment, we just have to leap into it and deal day by day.
We will get our turn when Jimmy can "sit out of the game" for a little bit, but he is that Marine! The one that won't back out of the fight!!
The Marine!
The Marine!
