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| My family just 2 months after Ryan passed away. Christmas 2010 |
How do you heal a broken heart?
How do you stop the hurt?
Those are two out of many questions my family has been asking over and over again.
I wish there was something that I could do to help ease the pain we are all going through, especially my Aunts and Uncles.
It is so hard to hear/see how someone who used to be so out going be so blue all the time. Its completely heart breaking. The death of anyone is heartbreaking but when a person is so young and passes away it causes more pain then imaginable. They literally had their whole lives ahead of them and leaves their family members thinking "what could have I done that would of prevented this?" "Did they know how much I love them?" the questions are endless and the hurt just gets worse.
As you all know my family has lost two very young members of our family in just a 15 month span.
In October 2010 my cousin Ryan passed away at the age of 22.
January 2012 my cousin Chelsea passed away at the age of 20.
{It still hurts to just think of that, and saying it is hard}
These are two member of the same side of the family.
For people who know my family{The Zahorchaks}
They have dealt with the heartache of young family members passing away for far too long.
My Grandfather passed away in his 40s, my Uncle passed away at 19 and now my cousins, and other young family members in between.
Sadly heartache is something my family is used to but you can never actually get used to it.
Its so hard to be so far away from your family when they are hurting so bad. There is nothing that I could do to make them feel better but it honestly kills me that I am not there for them.
My family is undoubtably strong but you can only be so strong for so long. You never realize the ripple affect death causes families until you are actually going through it.
When Ryan passed away, it was terrible. My family was devastated.
As most know Ryan committed suicide, he was only 22 years young.
We all had so many questions as to why he did what he did.
The hardest of it all was watching the pain his Mother, Father and siblings were going through.
Trying to put yourself in their shoes is impossible.
All there was to do was be there for all of them, to show them how much we love them and Ryan, and pray something like this never happens again.
It brought my family closer then ever.{Thank You Ryan}
Time passed by, as the memory of Ryan had not.
My Aunt and cousins learned to live through the pain, even though I'm sure it hurt. But they knew Ryan would have wanted them too and they know he was looking down on them.{Love you so much Annie & Aunt Terri}
When Chelsea passed away it was tragic.
Once again all the questions were being asked.
Two of the strongest people I know and love, my Aunt Sue and Uncle Mike just lost their daughter...their only daughter. At the very young age of 20.
If you know my Aunt Sue and Uncle Mike you know they are the life of the party, any where they went. They know everyone and everyone LOVES them.
Why does God feel the need to make such amazing people hurt?
Chelsea was an amazing young woman.
She was talented.
She was smart.
She loved everyone.
She looked at life like most don't.
You had probably seen me post about Chelsea a lot in the past.
I had gotten very close to Chelsea over the years.
She absolutely adored my children.
She made trips to NC to visit us and spend time with us when we had no one.
She was with me when we went to see Tim McGraw{and got to the stage lol}
She spent time with the girls and I over the summer, took the girls swimming...helped give them a summer to remember!!
And spending hours in her room with the girls watching the Justin Beiber movie...I have blamed her since the beginning for this Beiber fever lol
Her last trip down to NC was in August and was with me when we got out puppy Leila...she loved Leila!!
I also got to have some amazing, heart to heart conversations with her, about everything. It had us up all night one evening. Knowing her outlook on life, death and reality is what helped me carry on and help me.
The last time I got to see Chelsea was on Christmas.
It was our last time up north before we moved to Cali. I clearly remember saying goodbye to her. I had to say Goodbye to all my family members that day{cause clearly you never know when the next time you'll see them will be}. When I hugged and kissed Chelsea goodbye is when I started to loose it. I should have known right there that something wasn't right. I believe God was trying to tell me that, that was the last time I would ever get to see her again.
Back to the point{I get scatter brained}
I just wish there was something that I could do to help my family heal.
To all my family
Our hearts are all broken and they will never be the same. But just know we are all here for each other. Remember to keep on loving, to find happiness even in these dark times. If Ryan and Chelsea could tell us all today, they would tell us to be happy. They would want us all to be happy, to not ever forget them but to find some sort of happiness in this tragic time. Wether they wanted to go or not, to find happiness. Remembering their faces and the happiness and love they had is still to this day contagious. I pray we all continue to heal wether it takes a long time or not. There is no question about it, they are looking down on all of us. Protecting us, looking after us. We know this from Matt's recent heart attack, you know Ryan and Chelsea were there beside him. I know they will be waiting for all of us when it is our time to move on. God has a plan for everyone. I pray every day for my Aunt Teri, Aunt Sue, Uncle Mike and cousins, Leann, Eddie, Craig and Zachary. I want them to all find peace and one day find a new kind of happiness even though their child/brother/sister is no longer on this earth. I pray for the rest of my family, mema, Aunts Uncles cousins and my parents. To all heal and find peace and to help each other. I love you all. Please don't ever forget that.
I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete,
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself-
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.
Some photos of my Family
{I don't have many with Ryan on my computer :(}
Ryan and Chelsea
I pray you both have found peace from this crazy world. Im sure Ryan was waiting for Chelsea as she walked into Gods Kingdom. Please continue to watch down on all of us. The pain is unimaginable, the hurt never stops hurting but the memory of the two of you are still etched in each and everyone of us' memories. You will live on in each of each for ever.
On a side note-
I like to think of the twins I am currently carrying are the two of you's doing! They will NOT replace you two, no one ever will, but I like to think of these two as a way of you two saying "Life Goes On" These two will know all about you two. I will make sure of it.
I love you both
Sadly heartache is something my family is used to but you can never actually get used to it.
Its so hard to be so far away from your family when they are hurting so bad. There is nothing that I could do to make them feel better but it honestly kills me that I am not there for them.
My family is undoubtably strong but you can only be so strong for so long. You never realize the ripple affect death causes families until you are actually going through it.
When Ryan passed away, it was terrible. My family was devastated.
As most know Ryan committed suicide, he was only 22 years young.
We all had so many questions as to why he did what he did.
The hardest of it all was watching the pain his Mother, Father and siblings were going through.
Trying to put yourself in their shoes is impossible.
All there was to do was be there for all of them, to show them how much we love them and Ryan, and pray something like this never happens again.
It brought my family closer then ever.{Thank You Ryan}
Time passed by, as the memory of Ryan had not.
My Aunt and cousins learned to live through the pain, even though I'm sure it hurt. But they knew Ryan would have wanted them too and they know he was looking down on them.{Love you so much Annie & Aunt Terri}
When Chelsea passed away it was tragic.
Once again all the questions were being asked.
Two of the strongest people I know and love, my Aunt Sue and Uncle Mike just lost their daughter...their only daughter. At the very young age of 20.
If you know my Aunt Sue and Uncle Mike you know they are the life of the party, any where they went. They know everyone and everyone LOVES them.
Why does God feel the need to make such amazing people hurt?
Chelsea was an amazing young woman.
She was talented.
She was smart.
She loved everyone.
She looked at life like most don't.
You had probably seen me post about Chelsea a lot in the past.
I had gotten very close to Chelsea over the years.
She absolutely adored my children.
She made trips to NC to visit us and spend time with us when we had no one.
She was with me when we went to see Tim McGraw{and got to the stage lol}
She spent time with the girls and I over the summer, took the girls swimming...helped give them a summer to remember!!
And spending hours in her room with the girls watching the Justin Beiber movie...I have blamed her since the beginning for this Beiber fever lol
Her last trip down to NC was in August and was with me when we got out puppy Leila...she loved Leila!!
I also got to have some amazing, heart to heart conversations with her, about everything. It had us up all night one evening. Knowing her outlook on life, death and reality is what helped me carry on and help me.
The last time I got to see Chelsea was on Christmas.
It was our last time up north before we moved to Cali. I clearly remember saying goodbye to her. I had to say Goodbye to all my family members that day{cause clearly you never know when the next time you'll see them will be}. When I hugged and kissed Chelsea goodbye is when I started to loose it. I should have known right there that something wasn't right. I believe God was trying to tell me that, that was the last time I would ever get to see her again.
Back to the point{I get scatter brained}
I just wish there was something that I could do to help my family heal.
To all my family
Our hearts are all broken and they will never be the same. But just know we are all here for each other. Remember to keep on loving, to find happiness even in these dark times. If Ryan and Chelsea could tell us all today, they would tell us to be happy. They would want us all to be happy, to not ever forget them but to find some sort of happiness in this tragic time. Wether they wanted to go or not, to find happiness. Remembering their faces and the happiness and love they had is still to this day contagious. I pray we all continue to heal wether it takes a long time or not. There is no question about it, they are looking down on all of us. Protecting us, looking after us. We know this from Matt's recent heart attack, you know Ryan and Chelsea were there beside him. I know they will be waiting for all of us when it is our time to move on. God has a plan for everyone. I pray every day for my Aunt Teri, Aunt Sue, Uncle Mike and cousins, Leann, Eddie, Craig and Zachary. I want them to all find peace and one day find a new kind of happiness even though their child/brother/sister is no longer on this earth. I pray for the rest of my family, mema, Aunts Uncles cousins and my parents. To all heal and find peace and to help each other. I love you all. Please don't ever forget that.
I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete,
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself-
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.
Some photos of my Family
{I don't have many with Ryan on my computer :(}
 |
| Easter 2011 |
 |
| Family Party Summer 2011 |
 |
| My brothers wedding-Top to bottom left to right- Katie-Chelsea-Me then Tina Mema and Leann |
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| Chelsea and Paisley at the wedding |
 |
| Ladies Diva Party 2011 |
 |
| Me Chelsea and Missy on the way to see Tim McGraw |
 |
| Chelsea and I tailgating |
Ryan and Chelsea
I pray you both have found peace from this crazy world. Im sure Ryan was waiting for Chelsea as she walked into Gods Kingdom. Please continue to watch down on all of us. The pain is unimaginable, the hurt never stops hurting but the memory of the two of you are still etched in each and everyone of us' memories. You will live on in each of each for ever.
On a side note-
I like to think of the twins I am currently carrying are the two of you's doing! They will NOT replace you two, no one ever will, but I like to think of these two as a way of you two saying "Life Goes On" These two will know all about you two. I will make sure of it.
I love you both
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